Holidays With Your Adult Children

The holiday season, once filled with the excitement of childhood traditions, takes on a new rhythm as children grow into adults. Work schedules, relationships, and new traditions begin to shape how and where we celebrate. These changes can lead to stress, hurt feelings, and resentment. But they don't have to!  Navigating the holiday season with adult children requires a blend of flexibility, grace, and a fresh perspective on what togetherness looks like. 

Be flexible with your expectations.

For many of us, the holidays have been a time when the whole family gathers under one roof. But as adult children begin to build their own families or share holidays with their partner’s relatives, we may find ourselves needing to adjust our expectations. This may look like sharing time, or having to take turns with which holidays we spend with our grown children. Flexibility is key to keeping the spirit of the season alive. By letting go of rigid expectations and embracing new rhythms, we open the door to holidays that may look different, but still carry the warmth and connection we cherish.

Celebrate from afar through phone or video calls.

When adult children live far away, holiday traditions often need a little creative reimagining. While you may not be able to gather around the same table, technology offers meaningful ways to stay connected and celebrate together. Set aside time for a dedicated holiday video call. Or coordinate your meal times and sit down to share a virtual feast together.

Celebrate at a different time.

Instead of focusing on the exact date or the traditional schedule, try focusing on quality time spent together. A family dinner in early December or a New Year’s brunch can be just as special as Christmas morning. The goal is connection, not perfection. We now share a big family celebration on Christmas eve.  This gives our children time to spend Christmas morning opening gifts with their own children or their in-laws. 

Encourage your grown children to create their own traditions.

Letting go of "how we've always done things" can be difficult. Especially during the holidays, when traditions can be deeply personal. But giving our adult children the space and freedom to create their own traditions is part of being a parent.  This might mean they host their own gatherings, blend traditions with a partner’s family, or start something entirely new. And who knows - some of their new traditions might become cherished parts of our own celebrations too.

By approaching this season with open hearts, flexible expectations, and a spirit of encouragement, we can create space for deeper connection and lasting joy. The holidays may look different than they did years ago, but they still offer us the chance to celebrate love, family, and the beautiful journey of watching our children become who they’re meant to be.