Currently... September 2021

 I always get excited when September begins.  Because... autumn!!  Time for apple and pumpkin everything, sweaters, and boots (hopefully, unless Mother Nature decides that summer heat needs to stick around), leaves to start changing color, and football season.

This year, September finds me just... tired. The month of August started off so well - a vacation to Disney, spending time with the family, and I was feeling inspired and creative in my work.  Then things took a turn and it ended with one emotional, stressful situation after another.  

Both of my dogs were due for checkups with the veterinarian the week after we returned from our vacation.  This was the first time Max had to have any vaccines since the allergic reaction that he had in the late winter.  He had to have an antihistamine shot beforehand and then stayed at the office all day for monitoring.  Fortunately, he did well.  

Ziggy's turn came the next day and was uneventful.  But then on Tuesday when he had some loose stool, I took him back to the vet and everything seemed fine.  Until it wasn't.  Friday diarrhea returned and steadily worsened over the weekend.  Sunday afternoon he stopped eating and started vomiting.  After a mostly sleepless night Sunday when he was up at least once an hour either trying to go potty (but nothing coming out because his poor little digestive tract was completely emptied) or throwing up bile - I was a the front door of the vet right after they opened on Monday morning.  All of his tests and exams were normal, so he had an antinausea shot, some IV fluids and was sent home with probiotics, antibiotics, and enough digestive support food to last a few days.  Fortunately, he was clearly feeling better within twenty-four hours and is on the mend.

The most worrying of all came on Friday the twentieth when my mother had a routine check-up with her gynecologist.  After feeling something that was not typical, he did an ultrasound and discovered two very large ovarian tumors - one on each.  The larger of the two cysts is just over 10 cm.  She was given a referral to a gynecological oncologist.  At that appointment, she received blood tests and a CT scan.  The doctor explained that these would help her get a clearer idea of what she was working with, but that we would not know for sure if the tests were benign or not until the surgery when pathology tests could be done on the tumors. We were told that whether they were malignant or not, they needed to come out soon due to their size.  Her surgery was scheduled for September 9th.  

I think once she gets through her surgery and we have some more definitive answers on whether she will need any follow-up treatment or not, things will improve.  The waiting and wondering is the hardest part.

Unfortunately due to current restrictions because of increasing Covid-19 cases in our state, only one person is allowed to be at the doctor's office or hospital with the patient.  I went to her first appointment and thought I would be going to the pre-op appointments and to the hospital on the day of surgery.  It makes sense because I am the only of her daughters that live right here in town and I have no children still at home to worry about.  I found myself thankful that the grandkid had just gone back to school and I wouldn't be babysitting several days a week, which meant I had much more time on my hands to be available for my mother.  

Of course, nothing can happen without some sort of family drama.  One of my sisters decided she was the one who should go with Mother the day of surgery and would be at the hospital afterward. And I found myself unceremoniously dismissed.  This has left me not only stressed out that I can't be with my mother on the day of her surgery and not there to hear directly from the doctor what they find during the procedure - but also feeling rejected, unneeded, and unappreciated. 

Over the past several days I  have done a lot of crying and I am not sleeping well.  I have trouble falling asleep and I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about everything from whether my mother is going to be ok to my relationships with my siblings.  This leaves me sad and foggy during the day with difficulty focusing. 

I have also spent an extraordinary amount of time in prayer. I have begged for healing for my mother.  That all of her pathology reports come back benign and that this surgery will be all that is required.  I have asked for skill, knowledge, and wisdom from all of the medical professionals that are treating her  I have cried to God to ease my fear, worry, and anxiety.  To give me peace in the face of fear, worry, and anxiety.  To help me move past the feelings of anger and frustration and not hold onto grudges. And to help me stay focused on what is important.

So, that's pretty much where my life is currently.  This situation has consumed most of what I am working on, thinking about, and wanting/needing.  I hope you'll excuse me if I just don't feel up to the rest of the usual "currently" categories this month.  

September Goals:

• Decorate for autumn
• Plan for The Man of the House's 50th birthday in October
• Walk at least 2 days per week
• Create at least 3 more gift sets for the Etsy shop
• Complete skincare routine every morning and evening

How are all of you doing as we head into September?