Programmed To Make You Crazy

If you are a new mother, or an expecting mother - I think it's important for you to know this.  I wish someone had warned me.  Being able to mentally prepare myself for this aspect of motherhood would saved me a lot of mental anguish and distress.  OK... probably not.  But it still would have been nice to know.  So, I feel it is my duty to warn you.

If there is a particular kid's television show which you find annoying, creepy, or disgusting - your kid is going to love it.  Not only that, but the amount to which it drives you completely insane in the shortest time possible is exactly how much your offspring is going to enjoy it and will directly affect how often he is going to want to watch it.

Oh sure.  I can hear you thinking it... "MY child is never going to watch that show!"  Uh huh.  Let me tell you a little story about another naive mom:

There is a certain purple dinosaur who shall remain nameless.  And there was a a certain young mom (yes, I was young.  This was some time ago - alright??)  who felt that Mr Purple Dinosaur was a tool of all things evil sent here to destroy joy and peace. 

The sound of his stupid, irritating voice would grate on her very bones.  If she had one nerve left, Mr Purple Dinosaur was sitting smack right on it.  And that song he sang.  That song climbed inside your brain and ate away at it like a demonic ear worm.  The young mother could hear it in her dreams nightmares

The young mom swore her beautiful little princess would never watch the show with Mr Purple Dinosaur.  Nope.  "Not my kid", she swore.  Until the day the little Princess saw Mr Purple Dinosaur.  And adored him.  She wanted to watch him every day.  She wanted to sing his smarmy little song loudly and with enthusiasm.

Fortunately the fascination did not last long, and the mother survived to see the next annoying kid's show that came along.  And there is always another one waiting around the corner.  I think somewhere in the creative offices at Nickelodeon studios there sits a bunch of people carefully considering what will be the next great thing to make parents' skin crawl.

So, there you have it.  You have been warned.  The only way to avoid it is to toss out the television, and make sure your child is not exposed to any influences outside the home until... well.. until they leave home!

The Annoyance Trifecta

When I am at home during the week, I usually leave the television on for background noise while I do things around the house.  Because of this habit, it's not uncommon to walk in on Today, The View, Rachel Ray, or some TLC show in mid-program.  Sometimes what is on the screen captures my attention, sometimes not.

Today I entered the living room with vacuum cleaner in tow.  And there, on my tv, were Rachael Ray, Regis Philbin, and Rosie O'Donnell.   All in one shot. It was as if someone had intentionally put together as many personalities I find annoying as humanly possible!  That feeling intensified when I realized that Regis's wife, Joy, was also there.

Had the mind that dreamed this up only been able to also collect Tom Cruise, Joy Behar, and Rush Limbaugh - it would have been the perfect storm of annoy-dom!

I should probably do myself a favor and just turn on the music channels.

Cheer To All Whos, Far and Near

I have a confession...

I love all those Christmas specials meant for the kids.  Adore them.  They may very well be my favorite part of the season!  Christmas is not complete for me unless I can indulge myself in episodes of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and The Year Without a Santa Claus. 

I actually feel a little giddy when I see those shows pop up on the television listings.  I feel like a kid again!  I watch the TV guide like a hawk, making note of when each one is airing.  This year is even better because thanks to the joy of DVR, I can record and watch them whenever I want.  As many times as I want!  It really is the most wonderful time of the year!

Of all the Christmas specials - my very favorite is How The Grinch Stole Christmas.  Not that cheesy, twisted movie version.  The classic.  The cartoon version from 1966 narrated by Boris Karloff.  The "real" Grinch.

There's just something about that grumpy, mean, Christmas stealing ol' Grinch.  With his too tight shoes, and his head not screwed on just right.  Little Cindy Lou Who (who was no more than two).  Poor little Max.  And that moment when the Grinch feels the true meaning of Christmas come through and he finds the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!  Who doesn't get all warm and fuzzy feeling when the Grinch's small heart grows three sizes that day? 

10 Pounds

Ten pounds.  They say that's about how much the human head weighs, somewhere between eight to twelve pounds.  Today I am convinced mine weighs far more.  Fifteen, or twenty maybe? 

It's a result of the cold which has me in its grip today.

All the sinus pressure and pain making my poor little head feel twice as big as normal.  The pounding, which intensifies every time the coughing comes on.  The tiny explosions behind my eyes and cheekbones every time I sneeze.  Add to all this the scratchy throat and the general "hit by a truck feeling". 

It doesn't make for a happy me. 

So, if you will forgive me - I plan to cut this short.   Head back to the couch, take some of the NyQuil the Princess just picked up for me, watch some TV or read a little.  And maybe even get some sleep once the medication kicks in.

Happy Thursday y'all.