Programmed To Make You Crazy

If you are a new mother, or an expecting mother - I think it's important for you to know this.  I wish someone had warned me.  Being able to mentally prepare myself for this aspect of motherhood would saved me a lot of mental anguish and distress.  OK... probably not.  But it still would have been nice to know.  So, I feel it is my duty to warn you.

If there is a particular kid's television show which you find annoying, creepy, or disgusting - your kid is going to love it.  Not only that, but the amount to which it drives you completely insane in the shortest time possible is exactly how much your offspring is going to enjoy it and will directly affect how often he is going to want to watch it.

Oh sure.  I can hear you thinking it... "MY child is never going to watch that show!"  Uh huh.  Let me tell you a little story about another naive mom:

There is a certain purple dinosaur who shall remain nameless.  And there was a a certain young mom (yes, I was young.  This was some time ago - alright??)  who felt that Mr Purple Dinosaur was a tool of all things evil sent here to destroy joy and peace. 

The sound of his stupid, irritating voice would grate on her very bones.  If she had one nerve left, Mr Purple Dinosaur was sitting smack right on it.  And that song he sang.  That song climbed inside your brain and ate away at it like a demonic ear worm.  The young mother could hear it in her dreams nightmares

The young mom swore her beautiful little princess would never watch the show with Mr Purple Dinosaur.  Nope.  "Not my kid", she swore.  Until the day the little Princess saw Mr Purple Dinosaur.  And adored him.  She wanted to watch him every day.  She wanted to sing his smarmy little song loudly and with enthusiasm.

Fortunately the fascination did not last long, and the mother survived to see the next annoying kid's show that came along.  And there is always another one waiting around the corner.  I think somewhere in the creative offices at Nickelodeon studios there sits a bunch of people carefully considering what will be the next great thing to make parents' skin crawl.

So, there you have it.  You have been warned.  The only way to avoid it is to toss out the television, and make sure your child is not exposed to any influences outside the home until... well.. until they leave home!