Facing My Attitudes About Race

I wasn't sure how to approach my post for this week.  It felt wrong somehow to just write my regular sort of content without any acknowledgement of everything going on in our country right now.  But I also find myself at a loss of words - I'm hardly an expert on the subject of race, racism or the fight for racial equality.  I was afraid of saying anything that may only work to trivialize, dismiss or lessen the hurt that people of color experience. Or worse - to say something that might deepen that pain.  That's the last thing I want to do.  But it mostly feels wrong to just say nothing. 

Growing up, there wasn't much discussion about race or racism in our family..  Sure - there were words we were told not to use, but that was pretty much that.  "Not being racist" meant pretending you didn't see color or acknowledging that people look different.  

Race was never addressed in school other than some lessons about the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln freeing the slaves and maybe a word or two about Martin Luther King, Jr (probably during Black History Month).  And in the mean time we unconsciously absorbed and internalized the prejudices and biases of the society around us.

As a result I always thought "hey, I'm not racist!" And I thought that was good enough.  

That's easy to believe when you're not the one having to live with the day to day reality of racism because you happen to have been born into the race that causes the systems to work to your advantage. 

When my husband and son leave the house every day, it never crosses my mind to worry they might be killed during a "routine" traffic stop.  When my husband goes out for a jog, I never fear that he might be chased down and shot because he "fit a profile".   I've never thought about where I might sit down to rest, go for a walk, or  which street I drive because it might look "suspicious" to someone.   

I am realizing that I still have much to learn about my own thought processes and beliefs.  That denial and ignorance are not the tools needed to bring about justice and equality.  That just being "not racist" is not enough.   I need to better educate myself.  I need to stop making excuses, stop offering up platitudes and start listening.   To be able to admit that I have played my part in the problem and say "I'm sorry.  I'm still learning.  From here on out, I'm trying to be better."