I Am Thankful For:
Pumpkin muffins
Mondays
New shows to watch
Mom had a good post-op visit
Pretty new eye shadow palette
A change in the weather
Autumn
The best husband there ever was
Beautiful Fall days
Chilly mornings
Pumpkins
When the weekend finally arrives
Singing loudly in the car
Blue skies
When something goes easier than expected
The second cup of coffee
Puppy snuggles
Sunday brunch
Sunday afternoon naps
Carolina Panthers are still undefeated!
It's been a hot minute since I updated y'all on what I have been reading. It's been a slow couple of weeks foe reading. But rest assured - I have been reading. (Always!) Here's my latest: A Slow Fire Burning by Paula Hawkins
"When a young man is found gruesomely murdered in a London houseboat, it triggers questions about three women who knew him. Laura is the troubled one-night-stand last seen in the victim’s home. Carla is his grief-stricken aunt, already mourning the recent death of yet another family member. And Miriam is the nosy neighbor clearly keeping secrets from the police. Three women with separate connections to the victim. Three women who are – for different reasons – simmering with resentment. Who are, whether they know it or not, burning to right the wrongs done to them. When it comes to revenge, even good people might be capable of terrible deeds. How far might any one of them go to find peace? How long can secrets smolder before they explode into flame?" (Synopsis via GoodReads)
After the author's first two books, I had high expectations for "A Slow Fire Burning" I'm sad to say that for me, this was just so-so. Too many characters with differing plot lines that just danced around each other without really going anywhere for the first half of the book. It did pick up toward the end. But once you think all is said and done, it tries to pop a twist in that (in my opinion) just felt forced.
What are you reading right now? Share in the comments!
I Am Thankful For:
Clean laundry
Completed orders
Candy corn
My mother feeling a little better everyday
Getting caught up
Fall decor
Fresh air
Little crocheted tiger ears
Music
Rain
People to talk to when feeling stressed
Yarn
A big mum for the front porch
Weekends
Chicken and dumplings
Books to read
Apple pie
Panthers are 2-0
I know that it's true for many of us when I say - the past few weeks have been stressful. Heck... I could change the word weeks to months or years and the same would still hold true. Am I right, or am I right? Yeh... I'm right.
There's the usual pandemic, political, and natural disaster madness going on in our world that we are all having to cope with. Besides that, over the past couple of weeks, I have also experienced the following: I had a cold, which of course I worried might be Covid, a very sick dog, a reminder from the facility where I get my mammograms that I need to go have a followup to monitor some calcifications, the discovery of my mother's ovarian tumors, a disagreement with one of my sisters, my mother's surgery, her stay in the hospital, more over-the-top family drama, and all while my monthly cycles have gone completely berserk.
Y'all... I'm just tired.
I would like to have just a week or two when I don't have to worry or feel stressed about much of anything. I guess that's not how life works though - is it?
The good news is that no matter how out of control, chaotic or uncertain things may seem - I know that God has a plan and that it is all under His control. In the middle of my exhaustion, my anxiety, and my fears - I know that He is working it all together for good.
Does that stop me from being afraid or feeling worried? I wish I could say "Yes, of course". But it doesn't. I often need a reminder of His goodness and His faithfulness. And even then... sometimes... more often than I care to admit... I still have doubts. I still have anxiety. I still have fears. Because I am human.
Fortunately, God knows this about me. He understands and He meets me right where I am in the middle of my messiness. Which is a good thing. Because life gets pretty messy sometimes.
I Am Thankful For:
Going back to sleep
Lazy, but delicious, meals
Going to sleep early
Sunshine
Happy pups
Time to prepare
Not having to get up as early as expected
Doctors, nurses, and other medical staff
Mom's surgery went well
NO cancer!
A view of the mountains
A good weekly report from school for the grandkid
Hot showers
Sleeping in my own bed
Pumpkin cream cold brew
Am understanding husband
Cooler weather
Mom got to go home
The start of football season
I Am Thankful For:
The vet working Ziggy in for an appointment
Ziggy feels better
Negative Giardia test
Making compromises
Mail from a friend
A good night of sleep
Expressive doggy eyes
Knowing God hears my prayers
Lunch with my mom
Afternoons on the back porch
Negative Covid test for the grandkid
Afternoon nap
Long weekend
First chilly mornings
Crochet piece completed
I Am Thankful For:
A brand new day
Appointments scheduled quickly
Walks with the dogs
Good talks with my dad
Beautiful days
Thunderstorms at night
Pumpkin loaf
Encouraging Scripture
Testing a new pattern for a crochet designer (aka: a reason to buy new yarn)
Snoring puppies
First leaves starting to fall
Homemade ramen
Weekends
Planning for the month ahead
Prayer
A cold hard cider
A fresh haircut
Old movies
I always get excited when September begins. Because... autumn!! Time for apple and pumpkin everything, sweaters, and boots (hopefully, unless Mother Nature decides that summer heat needs to stick around), leaves to start changing color, and football season.
This year, September finds me just... tired. The month of August started off so well - a vacation to Disney, spending time with the family, and I was feeling inspired and creative in my work. Then things took a turn and it ended with one emotional, stressful situation after another.
Both of my dogs were due for checkups with the veterinarian the week after we returned from our vacation. This was the first time Max had to have any vaccines since the allergic reaction that he had in the late winter. He had to have an antihistamine shot beforehand and then stayed at the office all day for monitoring. Fortunately, he did well.
Ziggy's turn came the next day and was uneventful. But then on Tuesday when he had some loose stool, I took him back to the vet and everything seemed fine. Until it wasn't. Friday diarrhea returned and steadily worsened over the weekend. Sunday afternoon he stopped eating and started vomiting. After a mostly sleepless night Sunday when he was up at least once an hour either trying to go potty (but nothing coming out because his poor little digestive tract was completely emptied) or throwing up bile - I was a the front door of the vet right after they opened on Monday morning. All of his tests and exams were normal, so he had an antinausea shot, some IV fluids and was sent home with probiotics, antibiotics, and enough digestive support food to last a few days. Fortunately, he was clearly feeling better within twenty-four hours and is on the mend.
The most worrying of all came on Friday the twentieth when my mother had a routine check-up with her gynecologist. After feeling something that was not typical, he did an ultrasound and discovered two very large ovarian tumors - one on each. The larger of the two cysts is just over 10 cm. She was given a referral to a gynecological oncologist. At that appointment, she received blood tests and a CT scan. The doctor explained that these would help her get a clearer idea of what she was working with, but that we would not know for sure if the tests were benign or not until the surgery when pathology tests could be done on the tumors. We were told that whether they were malignant or not, they needed to come out soon due to their size. Her surgery was scheduled for September 9th.
I think once she gets through her surgery and we have some more definitive answers on whether she will need any follow-up treatment or not, things will improve. The waiting and wondering is the hardest part.
Unfortunately due to current restrictions because of increasing Covid-19 cases in our state, only one person is allowed to be at the doctor's office or hospital with the patient. I went to her first appointment and thought I would be going to the pre-op appointments and to the hospital on the day of surgery. It makes sense because I am the only of her daughters that live right here in town and I have no children still at home to worry about. I found myself thankful that the grandkid had just gone back to school and I wouldn't be babysitting several days a week, which meant I had much more time on my hands to be available for my mother.
Of course, nothing can happen without some sort of family drama. One of my sisters decided she was the one who should go with Mother the day of surgery and would be at the hospital afterward. And I found myself unceremoniously dismissed. This has left me not only stressed out that I can't be with my mother on the day of her surgery and not there to hear directly from the doctor what they find during the procedure - but also feeling rejected, unneeded, and unappreciated.
Over the past several days I have done a lot of crying and I am not sleeping well. I have trouble falling asleep and I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about everything from whether my mother is going to be ok to my relationships with my siblings. This leaves me sad and foggy during the day with difficulty focusing.
I have also spent an extraordinary amount of time in prayer. I have begged for healing for my mother. That all of her pathology reports come back benign and that this surgery will be all that is required. I have asked for skill, knowledge, and wisdom from all of the medical professionals that are treating her I have cried to God to ease my fear, worry, and anxiety. To give me peace in the face of fear, worry, and anxiety. To help me move past the feelings of anger and frustration and not hold onto grudges. And to help me stay focused on what is important.
So, that's pretty much where my life is currently. This situation has consumed most of what I am working on, thinking about, and wanting/needing. I hope you'll excuse me if I just don't feel up to the rest of the usual "currently" categories this month.
September Goals:
