In The Middle of My Mess

I know that it's true for many of us when I say - the past few weeks have been stressful.  Heck... I could change the word weeks to months or years and the same would still hold true.  Am I right, or am I right? Yeh... I'm right.

There's the usual pandemic, political, and natural disaster madness going on in our world that we are all having to cope with.  Besides that, over the past couple of weeks, I have also experienced the following:  I had a cold, which of course I worried might be Covid,  a very sick dog, a reminder from the facility where I get my mammograms that I need to go have a followup to monitor some calcifications, the discovery of my mother's ovarian tumors, a disagreement with one of my sisters, my mother's surgery, her stay in the hospital, more over-the-top family drama, and all while my monthly cycles have gone completely berserk.  

Y'all... I'm just tired.  

I would like to have just a week or two when I don't have to worry or feel stressed about much of anything. I guess that's not how life works though - is it?

The good news is that no matter how out of control, chaotic or uncertain things may seem - I know that God has a plan and that it is all under His control.  In the middle of my exhaustion, my anxiety, and my fears - I know that He is working it all together for good.  

Does that stop me from being afraid or feeling worried?  I wish I could say "Yes, of course". But it doesn't.  I often need a reminder of His goodness and His faithfulness.  And even then... sometimes... more often than I care to admit... I still have doubts.  I still have anxiety.  I still have fears. Because I am human.

Fortunately, God knows this about me.  He understands and He meets me right where I am in the middle of my messiness.  Which is a good thing. Because life gets pretty messy sometimes. 

Created For A Purpose

When I start a new crochet project, I don't just grab a yarn and hook and start making something only to figure out what to do with it when the item is completed.  No.  I decide what exactly I'm going to make.  I select the pattern I want to use, or I start working out a design in my head and/or my pattern notebook.  What yarn I use will depend on the purpose.  It is something that will be used often and need to be machine washable?  Does it need to be especially soft for a baby, or sturdier like a cotton for dishcloths?  I create everything with a specific purpose in mind.

I believe that the same thing is true about us.  We aren't just created willy-nilly and then placed on earth to fill up space and time. I believe that God creates each of us with a plan in mind.  We are each designed on purpose - for a purpose.   He gives us strengths, skills, talents and yes - even weaknesses - that will help us to fulfill that purpose.  

As I have been thinking more about intentional living (remember my One Word for 2020 is "Intentional") over the past few months, I've come to the idea that being intentional is about being a good steward of the time and talents which I have been given.  To live out the dreams - the very purpose - that God has placed in my heart. To be who I was created to be and do what I was created to do.

What's It All About?

It's not about what I do or don't do.  It's not about how good I am.  It's not about how much I plan or how hard I work.  It's not about how many to do lists I make or items I check off those lists.

It's not about me at all.  It's all about God's plans. His will.  His mercy.

You can find me connecting at these Blog Hops and Link Ups

Stuggling with the Brick Wall

I try to keep my blog upbeat.  I try to focus on all the things I have to be grateful for in my life.  I try to be positive.  I don't want to drag everyone down by being one of those blogs that's a big ol' whine-fest of things that bother me.  Full of negativity.

But can I be really, really real with y'all for a minute?  Cause, truth is - right now I am struggling a little bit.

I have been working on certain projects in my life. (namely my Etsy shop and my writing)  Things I was sure were part of God's plan for me.  A place where He had brought me.   But recently, I have had new things tossed on to my plate which complicate the process of trying to do what I am doing.  I find myself feeling as if I running into a brick wall over and over again.

photo: publicdomainpictures.net

It seems as though at every turn all I am getting is frustration and disappointments.

This leaves me wondering about the path I am on - which I was sure was God's plan - is right. Are the challenges I am facing the enemy trying to distract me from my goals, or is this God correcting some missteps?

I've prayed about it.  I've cried over it. I have vented to the Man of the House about it.   And (I'm not proud to admit this - it wasn't my finest moment) I've even had some very angry words with God about it. 

And still no answers.  Still I struggle. Still I cry. 

Still I pray.

I haven't given up on my dreams yet.  Although there was one day very recently when I was ready to just pack it up, label it "failed experiment", and move on. Burn my bridges behind me.  But, I didn't.  I couldn't. 

I held on, braced myself, and started forward again.  

It's not easy.

I try to stay focused on the positives.  The silver linings.  The glimmers of hope.

photo: publicdomainpictures.net

Waiting to find the opening in the wall. Or a ladder.

You can find me connecting at these Blog Hops and Link Ups

The Dwelling Tree: Let's Be Friends
Cornerstone Confessions: Titus 2 Tuesday
Rich Faith Rising: Unite!
Growing Home: Growing Homemakers
Yesterfood: Treasure Box Tuesday

To The Birthday Boy

My dear "little man",

Oh sure, I know you're not so little anymore.  And you're probably mortified that I would referred to you that way in a public place.  It's been a couple of years that I have had to look up at your face now.  But in my heart you'll always be my "little man" - no matter what size or age you are.

This mama's heart finds it so difficult to believe that you are 16 years old today.  The years have flown by so quickly. There are times I ache for the days when you were that silly, sweet, blond little boy with the cheeks who used to crawl up to sit in my lap. I wish I had taken the time to hold you just a few minutes longer while you were still small enough for that.

But as much as I miss those days, I wouldn't trade these days for anything.  I know we often seem to butt heads and argue about things that will seem so trivial in days (hours?) to come.  I remind myself that this is not unusual.  You're spreading your wings and trying to take those steps towards independence and manhood.  And I am so very proud of the young man you are becoming.  Even if I do still try to hold on - maybe a little too tightly.

You are still silly.  Stay that way.  And you are still sweet.  Don't ever lose that inner kindness.  Be strong.  Be courageous. Be unique.  Believe in yourself. God has created you for something special and I know that He will have you do great things for Him.

And always know - just like you will always be my "little man", I will always be your mommy.  I will always be here if and when you need me.  And I will always love you.

Happy Birthday. 

You can find me connecting at these Blog Hops and Link Ups

Puzzle Pieces

You are made exactly the way God created you to fit into a particular plan, a specific place He has for you.

Like pieces of a puzzle.  Some may appear very similiar at first glance, but each one is uniquely crafted to fit into a specific spot.  Each piece fitting in a particular place until the complete beautiful work appears.

photo: publicdomainpictures.net

That's how God's plan is: each of us unique, with a spot to fill.

Maybe we can't see it now.  All we may see is our own oddly shapped piece of things.  But someday, the completed, beautiful work will be revealed to each of us.

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" ~ Ephesians 2:10

You can find me connecting at these Blog Hops and Link Ups

Fear and Timidity? (repost)

originally posted at My Really Real Reality on February 28, 2013

God gives us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

Not fear and timidity. These are tools the enemy uses to make us lose our focus and motivation. To trip us up To keep us from doing God’s work. Leading us away from His will and his plans for us.

Will we let fear and timidity deter us? Or will we stand in God’s power and love to follow through on the plans He has for us?

“…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” ~Jeremiah 29:11

You can find me connecting at these blog hops and link ups

I Had Plans

I had plans that day.  Big plans.  There was all kinds of cleaning and sewing to be done.  It was going to be a productive day.  And I was going to look like Super Homemaker Woman by the time the man of the house got home from work.

Had...

Was...

It seems God had other plans for me.

First, as I posted my link to the Proverbs31 Ministries Online Bible Study weekly blog hop - the thought occurred to me "You should read all these".  Um... what?  I'm a busy woman!  Read all these?  Do you have any idea how many links are up there - with more being added every minute?  Maybe just some of them?  Nope... you should read them all.  (sigh)  Alrighty then.

Finally... I made it through almost all of the links posted.  (I confess - there were breaks in there to change the sheets, do some laundry, dishes, and watch the grand baby while his mommy ran an errand)

Now.  Now I could get back to my To-Do list, right?

And then the thought came... No.  Now you need to finish that painting project you've been dragging out for months.

Say... WHAT?

C'mon!!  That cabinet has been half painted for weeks and weeks.  What's a little longer going to hurt?  I could do it tomorrow.    No?  Today?  It has to be today?  (Another confession.  I tried my best to ignore this thought.  But it kept nagging at me until I gave it and dragged the cabinet outside to paint)

What was the point?  Who knows.  But now, as I type this, the cabinet sits outside with the primer drying - awaiting a coat of paint.  And I realize that even with the unplanned interruptions - I still got a LOT accomplished!  Maybe not the sewing I had planned.  But in the end, it was a pretty productive day!

Interrupted

"We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.....We must not.....assume that our schedule is our own to manage, but allow it to be arranged by God.”~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

 

You know me... I am a list maker. I've got a plan, and I like to see things marked off.  

But it doesn't always work that way - does it?  

Sometimes there are interruptions.  Disruptions.  Changes in plans.

 I have two choices...

I can get frustrated, angry, or discouraged. 

Or I can go along with it. 

Look at it as a lesson on how life isn't lived according to my plan, but according to God's plan.   

A new opportunity to say "Yes" to God and see what exciting opportunity He has for me rather than what I had planned.

Even If It Looks Like a Mess

If you had come into my office back in the days when I was working with WIC, you would like have seen piles of papers , folders, binders and files all over my desk.  There might have been post it notes stuck on some of the piles, along with a few tacked to the front of my computer screen.  A book or binder may have been lying open on one corner of the desk.
 
To you it seemed random and unrelated.  It might even look like one big mess.

But to me it all made sense. 

I could see the bigger picture.  I knew my plan, and everything was there for a reason to help get a goal accomplished.

It’s like that with life also.

When we look at life, it may seem like a long string of random events.  Some may seem like they are related - one leading to the other.  But much of it just seems like those piles of papers on my desk - a scattering of stories, events,  and memories.   And some of it just seems like a total mess

To God, it all makes sense. 

He has a plan.  Like a puzzle.  Each piece fitting together to create the bigger picture.

All of the highs and lows.  The good times and not so good.  Yes, even the messes.  God takes all of them and fits them together to reach His eternal goal. 

Fear and Timidity?

God gives us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

Not fear and timidity. These are tools the enemy uses to make us lose our focus and motivation. To trip us up To keep us from doing God’s work. Leading us away from His will and his plans for us.

Will we let fear and timidity deter us? Or will we stand in God’s power and love to follow through on the plans He has for us?

“…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Outside My Comfort Zone

Insecurity.

Self doubt.

I don't like to fail.  You could probably say I have a "fear of failure".  In fact, I try to avoid it when ever possible.  To the point that if I think I might fail at something, I either a) give it up quickly or b) never try to begin with.

I have thought "Oh, I could never do that!" about so many things in my life.

Staying safely tucked into my comfort zone.  Making excuses.

"I could never do that!" 

But scripture tells us: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~ Philippians 4:13

What's the old saying?  About how if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it?

If God calls me to do something - I can do it!  He gives me the strength of Christ to help me through anything he sets before me. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

God never sets us up for failure!  I need to stop doubting myself.  And start trusting God.