My Love Dare: Day 38

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart" ~ Psalm 37:4

Day 38: Love fulfills dreams

Giving your spouse everything he could ever desire is impractical and impossible.  But saying "No" to everything is just as bad.

Sometimes love needs to go all out.  To pull out all the stops and let go of the excuses.  Shower the beloved with their heart's desire.  Just for the sake of giving. More important than the giving is the spirit of the giving.  Wanting to fulfill every dream you possibly can.

To give like God gives.  God gives us mercy, grace, and eternal life.  Not because we deserve it or earned it - but because of His great love for us!

Dreams and desires come in many forms.  Maybe you can't afford that dream vacation or a shiny new sports car.  But you can give your spouse your time, attention, affection, and respect.  Let him see the love and respect you have for him.  Let him know he's your knight in shining armor (even if the dragon is a spider or the quest is to pick up milk on the way home).  He needs to know he's appreciated.

Surprise him with a small gift, or card, or an unexpected kiss.

• Love calls you to listen to what your spouse is saying and hoping for
• Love calls you to remember the things that are unique to your relationship: the pleasures and enjoyments that bring a smile to the others face
• Love calls you to give when it would be more convenient to wait
• Love calls you to daydream about those opportunities to give so often that their desires become your own

Exceed all your spouses expectations by showering him with expressions of love.  Be willing to express your heart with extravagance.  Overwhelm him with love and kindness.

Ask yourself: "What is something my spouse would really, really love?"  And commit to living out the answer!

TODAY'S DARE: ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOUR SPOUSE WOULD WANT IF IT WAS OBTAINABLE.  COMMIT THIS TO PRAYER, AND START MAPPING OUT A PLAN FOR MEETING SOME (IF NOT ALL) OF THEIR DESIRES, TO WHATEVER LEVEL YOU POSSIBLY CAN.

OK.  Completely doable.  What would the Man of the House want if it was obtainable?  What would make him feel loved, valued, and respected?  I can do this!

My Love Dare: Day 37

"If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father" ~ Matthew 18:19

Day 37: Love agrees in prayer

Praying together. It may seem so simple to you.  Or maybe it seems silly.  Or impossible.  But praying together is a key to a long marriage.  It unites husband and wife in a powerful way.

Prayer can:

• give you wisdom when faced with difficult decisions
• bring comfort when struggling through fears and insecurities
• provide peace when having arguments or marital struggles
• provide a place to seek shelter when you don't know where else to turn
• remind you that God has made the two of you into one flesh

It's difficult to stay angry with someone while you hold their hand in prayer.  It draws the two of you together, face to face, on common grown.  It strengthens you.

And it is pleasing to God.

TODAY'S DARE:  ASK YOUR SPOUSE IF YOU CAN BEGIN PRAYING TOGETHER.  TALK ABOUT THE BEST TIME TO DO THIS, WHETHER IT'S IN THE MORNING, YOUR LUNCH HOUR, OR BEFORE BEDTIME.  USE THIS TIME TO COMMIT YOUR CONCERNS, DISAGREEMENTS, AND NEEDS BEFORE THE LORD.  DON'T FORGET TO THANK HIM FOR HIS PROVISION AND BLESSING.  EVEN IF YOUR SPOUSE REFUSES TO DO THIS, RESOLVE TO SPEND THIS DAILY TIME IN PRAYER YOURSELF.

 I spoke to the Man of the House about sharing time in prayer each day.  We decided the best time would be as we go to bed each night.  And that it might take a little while to get comfortable with it and into a routine.  We did it exactly once so far.  That first night that we talked about it.  Remind me to bring it up again...

"In the morning my prayer comes before you" ~ Psalm 88:13

My Love Dare: Day 36

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" ~ Psalm 119:105

photo credit: dailylifeverse.com

Day 36: Love is God's Word

God has not put us into the world - into this life - without a plan.  He has even provided us with an instruction book full of His word and His promises - the Bible.

In order for God's word to be helpful to us we have to commit to it.  Immerse ourselves in it.  And know it.

Be In It: Get into a daily habit of reading the Bible

Stay Under it:  By attending a church where the Word is faithfully preached and Bible study classes where it is taught and discussed you can come to a greater understanding of God's word and how it applies to your life.

Live It:  Allow the Bible to become part of who you are, how you live, how you think, and what you do.

When we live only according to our plans, our emotions, the opinions of there, etc - we are building on shaky ground.  As the trials of life shake us - everything will collapse around us.  When we are living by God's word - we have a strong, firm, unshakable foundation against destruction.

When you build your life and your marriage on the Bible, you will see it grow stronger and be solid against the storms.

TODAY'S DARE:  COMMIT TO READING THE BIBLE EVERY DAY.  FIND A DEVOTIONAL BOOK OR OTHER RESOURCE THAT WILL GIVE YOU SOME GUIDANCE.  IF YOUR SPOUSE IS OPEN TO IT, SEE IF THEY WILL COMMIT TO DAILY BIBLE READING WITH YOU.  BEGIN SUBMITTING EACH AREA OF YOUR LIFE TO ITS GUIDANCE AND START BUILDING ON THE ROCK.

I take some quiet time each morning to read a devotional or two and to spend some time in God's word. (I'm doing one of those "read the Bible in a year" plans).  I spoke with the Man of the House about the two of us maybe doing some sort of devotional or bible study together as well.  And I think we've decided on a book to look at for this purpose.

My Love Dare: Day 35

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed" ~ Proverbs 15:22

Day 35: Love is accountable

The marriage vows most of us took say  "good times and bad" and "sickness and health".

God means for use to face challenges together.  United as one.  Making each other stronger. Supporting each other.

It is equally important to build a network of strong, godly, healthy friendships that value marriage.All people need wise counsel at some point.  The wise seek it out and are grateful for it.  The foolish avoid and ignore it.

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel" ~ Proverbs 12:15

Wise counsel warns you against the danger of bad choices, encourages you during difficulties, and celebrates your marriage. You must avoid negative influences.  Those who encourage selfish choices.  Look for others who seek Christ.  Someone with the type of marriage you long for.  Someone who values and lives by the Word of God.

TODAY'S DARE:  FIND A MARRIAGE MENTOR - SOMEONE WHO IS A STRONG CHRISTIAN AND WHO WILL BE HONEST AND LOVING WITH YOU.  IF YOU FEEL THAT COUNSELING IS NEEDED, THEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT.  DURING THIS PROCESS, ASK GOD TO DIRECT YOUR DECISIONS AND DISCERNMENT.

I have several women I consider friends who are godly Christ followers.  But I don't feel I have any really close friends like that.  No one I could sit down over coffee and pour out my heart.  Truth be told, I've become a bit of a loner as the years have gone by.  I spend most of my time with either the Man of the House or the female offspring. I think I need to do some praying for God to help me cultivate those kinds of friendships again in my life.  To give me the courage to reach out and open myself up to those friendships.  

My Love Dare: Day 34

"(Love) does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth" ~ 1 Corinthians 13:6

Day 34: Love celebrates godliness

This world is full of temptation.  Sometimes it seems as if nearly everything we encounter is designed to distort our thinking and lure us away from what is right and true.


Do you lead your spouse to worldly ideals - or toward God?

Do you encourage him in his walk with Jesus, or distract him from it?  Do you influence your spouse to honor God or dishonor Him? 

We should be encouraging our spouses and rejoicing in how God works to accomplish His plan for them and for our marriage.

TODAY'S DARE:  FIND A SPECIFIC, RECENT EXAMPLE WHEN YOUR SPOUSE DEMONSTRATED CHRISTIAN CHARACTER IN A NOTICEABLE WAY.  VERBALLY COMMEND THEM FOR THIS AT SOME POINT TODAY.

There is someone in our lives who isn't the easiest person to deal with.  They can be selfish, rude, and abrasive.  But I am constantly amazed at how the Man of the House always manages to treat this person with kindness and respect despite the way they can treat him (and others). 

And I told him that!  (A confession: I didn't do it verbally though.  He was at work and I sent him a text message because I wanted to do it right then and there while I was thinking about it)

My Love Dare: Day 33

"If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?" ~ Ecclesiastes 4:11

Day 33: Love completes each other

Marriage.

God created two similiar but different beings to compliment each other and work together as one.

Think of your body...

Two eyes.  You can see with just one - but have much clearer vision if both are working together

Two hands.  You can complete many tasks with one - but things go faster and more smoothly if both are working together.

Two feet.  You could get from one place to another hopping on one foot - but get there much more efficiently if both feet take you there.

Marriage is the same way! We can see more clearly, complete tasks, and get to our goals in a better, faster, more efficient way if both are working together- united.

Where one is weak; the other is strong.  Our uniqueness can work together to make us more effective as a team.

Don't try to do it all yourself!  Don't dismiss your spouse's perspectives just because they are different from your own.  Honor his individuality and how it works with your own to make both of you stronger and better when you work as one.

You need each other.  You complete each other.

TODAY'S DARE:  RECOGNIZE THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS INTEGRAL TO YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS.  LET THEM KNOW TODAY THAT YOU DESIRE TO INCLUDE THEM IN YOUR UPCOMING DECISIONS, AND THAT YOU NEED THEIR PERSPECTIVE AND COUNSEL.  IF YOU HAVE IGNORED THEIR INPUT IN THE PAST, ADMIT YOUR OVERSIGHT AND ASK THEM TO FORGIVE YOU.

I know that our strengths and weaknesses work well together.  I'm more likely to fly off the handle, while he is calm and patient.  I can deal with some of the things the offspring toss at us better, and he can manage others.  He can fix things around the house like a pro; me - not so much.  We make a great team.

However, I realize I am bad about discounting his perspective and counsel.  Oh, sure - I'll rant and rave and complain.  But when he tries to offer advice or ideas, I'm afraid I often shut down.  Because of course he just can't possibly understand what I'm really dealing with or going through.  Right?  Wrong! 

I need to do better about letting him be my support. Listening to his ideas support.  Giving them the consideration they deserve. And putting the full strength of our team to work!

"Put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity." ~ Colossians 3:14

My Love Dare: Day 32

"The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband" ~ 1 Corinthians 7:3

Day 32: Love meets sexual needs

Yep - we're going there.  Let's all act like grown ups here...

Sex was created by God as a bond and a blessing for husband and wife. Two becoming one flesh in an act of love. 

Physical love is obviously not the only aspect of a solid marriage, but it is an important one.


Sex is not a weapon.  It is not a bargaining tool.  It is not a reward.   It should not be withheld or given in response to whether or not your spouse is behaving in a way you like or doing what you want.

Sex is a way of giving yourself to your spouse to meet his needs.  Just as your spouse is to meet your needs.  It is a way to express honor and endearment to each other.

If one partner values its importance more than the other - the unity of the marriage can feel unbalanced and in danger of tipping over completely.  Honesty and understanding of each others sexual needs are crucial to a confident lasting marriage.  There has to be an agreed upon middle ground.  One found with patience, thoughtfulness, and selflessness.

When the intimacy of marriage is acted out in the right way, for the right reasons - this is truly God's plan for marriage.  The two united in one flesh.  United in His love.

TODAY'S DARE: IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, TRY TO INITIATE SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIDE TODAY.  DO THIS IN A WAY THAT HONORS WHAT YOUR SPOUSE HAS TOLD YOU (OR IMPLIED TO YOU) ABOUT WHAT THEY NEED FROM YOU SEXUALLY.  ASK GOD TO MAKE THIS ENJOYABLE FOR BOTH OF YOU AS WELL AS A PATH TO GREATER INTIMACY.
 
Some things are not meant to be shared on the Internet; but should be kept sacred between a husband and wife. 'Nuf said...

My Love Dare: Day 31

“A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” ~ Genesis 2:24

Day 31: Love & marriage

God has had a design for marriage from the beginning. Two people, joined together as one flesh. Leaving one family and cleaving together to form a new one.

Once you marry your parents should be respected counselors. They should no longer be in control. You should no longer be dependant on them. It is time to cut that cord and tie yourself tightly to your spouse. If the “leaving” isn’t done properly, it can make the “cleaving” difficult – or impossible. If a parent is causing problems in your marriage, this source of division has to end.

The husband and wife must be as one. A united front. United in decision making. United in their priorities. United in their affections.

United as “one flesh” – just as designed.

TODAY’S DARE: IS THERE A “LEAVING” ISSUE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN BRAVE ENOUGH TO CONQUER YET? CONFESS IT TO YOUR SPOUSE TODAY, AND RESOLVE TO MAKE IT RIGHT. THE ONENESS OF YOUR MARRIAGE IS DEPENDENT UPON IT. FOLLOW THIS WITH A COMMITMENT TO YOUR SPOUSE AND TO GOD TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE THE TOP PRIORITY OVER EVERY OTHER HUMAN RELATIONSHIP.

“May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You” ~ John 17:21

My Love Dare: Day 30

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. ~ John 17:11

Day 30: Love brings unity

Father, Son, Spirit.

Together.

United.

One.

Marriage can be seen as a human representation of that unique relationship. Two individual people – united together by God into one flesh.

United to serve, honor, and love one another.

Rejoicing in each other.

Individuals, yet indivisible.

Joined in one purpose. A divine purpose.

Love your spouse as a part of yourself.

Serve your spouse’s needs as you would your own.

Honor your spouse.

Your union is from God. Unending. Unbreakable.

TODAY’S DARE: ISOLATE ONE AREA OF DIVISION IN YOUR MARRIAGE, AND LOOK ON TODAY AS A FRESH OPPORTUNITY TO PRAY ABOUT IT. ASK THE LORD TO REVEAL ANYTHING IN YOUR OWN HART THAT IS THREATENING ONENESS WITH YOUR SPOUSE. PRAY THAT HE WOULD DO THE SAME FOR THEM. AND IF APPROPRIATE, DISCUSS THE MATER OPENLY, SEEKING GOD FOR UNITY.

When I first read today’s dare, I thought about it briefly and couldn’t come up with an area of division. In my pride I gave myself a mental pat on the back thinking that we were just great. Then it was as if God leaned down, tapped me on the shoulder. Showing me what I had been missing.

Oh…

Yes. There it was. The area of division.

Dealing with extended family can be a recurring source of discourse and tension in our marriage. The Man of the House and I have differing views on how to best deal with the source of the problem. And emotions can run hot when the subject comes up sometimes.

It is something I am constantly revisiting in prayer. And will continue to seek the Lord’s guidance, patience, and forgiveness.

My Love Dare: Day 29

“Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men” ~ Ephesians 6:7 (HSCB)

Day 29: Love’s motivation
We may not always feel motivated to demonstrate love to our spouse.

We may struggle to find inspiration for loving actions.

And when we do express love, they may not always be getting the message. (If you are speaking a love language your spouse isn’t translating – I highly recommend The Five Love Languages)

We can’t rely solely on the actions of another imperfect person to determine how much (if any) love we show them.

We have to have a better motivation – the very source of all love. The loving, constant God.

The love for our spouse should honor the Lord with our devotion and sincerity.

Love motivated only by ideal conditions or out of a sense of duty will struggle to maintain or survive.

Love that is lifted up to God in gratitude for the love he has given us is continually re-energized. Just like that silly little bunny – it will keep going, and going, and going.

TODAY’S DARE: BEFORE YOU SEE YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN TODAY, PRAY FOR THEM BY NAME AND FOR THEIR NEEDS. WHETHER IT COMES EASY FOR YOU OR NOT, SAY “I LOVE YOU”, THEN EXPRESS LOVE TO THEM IN SOME TANGIBLE WAY. GO TO GOD IN PRAYER AGAIN, THANKING HIM FOR GIVING YOU THE PRIVILEGE OF LOVING THIS ONE SPECIAL PERSON – UNCONDITIONALLY, THE WAY HE LOVES BOTH OF YOU.

Praying for the Man of the House – easy! Telling him I love him – easy! Showing love to him – easy!

It does give a unique perspective to look at showing love not only as an expression of my love for the Man of the House, but also as an expression of God’s love for all of us. And it will certainly give me some serious food for thought on those days when I feel grumpy and selfish and not really like demonstrating love.

My Love Dare: Day 28

“He laid down his life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers” ~ 1 John 3:16 (HCSB)

Day 28: Love makes sacrifices

When life is hard; we feel it. When we are inconvenience; we pout. When we feel deprived; we complain. When we feel mistreated; we want sympathy. When we feel unappreciated; we want sulk. When we feel overwhelmed;we want help.

But what about when others feel the same? If our spouse feels inconvenienced, deprived, mistreated, unappreciated, or overwhelmed, do we notice? Or do we think he is over-reacting, having a bad attitude, or being a cry baby?

When our spouse is stressed, overworked, or worried – we should notice and step in to support him and help when needed. Even without being asked.

Sometimes this means saying “no” to what we want and saying “yes” to what our spouse needs. Setting yourself aside and making him a priority. Turning your attention to his needs and giving him your focus and support.

When was the last time you asked “How can I help?”

If your spouse feels overwhelmed, unappreciated, or burdened – make the situation a shared effort. Take up part of your spouse’s burden to help lighten his load. Be ready and willing to make sacrifices for his needs.

TODAY’S DARE: WHAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST NEEDS IN OUR SPOUSE’S LIVE RIGHT NOW? IS THERE A NEED YOU COULD LIFT FROM THEIR SHOULDERS TODAY BY A DARING ACT OF SACRIFICE ON YOUR PART? WHETHER THE NEED IS BIG OR SMALL, PURPOSE TO DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MEET THE NEED.

Oy… ok… I know I get so wrapped up in my own to-do list and my own stuff that I often don’t stop to take notice of how the man of the house is doing or if he needs my help or support. And dang it.. it just always seems so calm, collected, and capable.  It's easy to forget that he may need some kindness, support, or help!

I am trying to make more of an effort to show an interest in what’s going on with him, and to talk with him about his work and such. And also to just pay attention to his moods and attitudes so I can react and act on his needs.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ” ~ Galatians 6:2

My Love Dare: Day 27

“Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.” ~ Psalm 25:20

Day 27: Love encourages.

Wouldn’t we all love the perfect spouse? The one who always says and does exactly the right thing? The one who sweeps us off our feet. Knows and meets our every need before we express it. Showers us constantly with love and affection, but also knows when to give us just the right amount of space?

Well, guess what?

You aren’t Cinderella. He isn’t Prince Charming. And life most certainly is not a fairy tale!

Expecting our spouse to meet all our needs and make us happy puts impossible expectations on a human. Unrealistic expectations can only lead to disappointment. We need to accept that our spouse is human – just like us. And to choose to live in encouragement, rather than by expectations.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plan in your own eye?” ~ Matthew 7:3

Does your spouse constantly live under your microscope of inspection? Are they fearful that they will never live up to expectations? Do you constantly find yourself “having” to remind, reprimand, or nag? Or perhaps does your spouse constantly feel your silent disapproval?

When faced with constant disapproval and criticism – no one feels loved, or loving. Our natural reaction is to resist and rebel. And to harden our heart against the negative feelings we feel bombarding us.

Marriage is meant to be two flawed people coming together to encourage each other. 

We’re all human. There are times when we will be grumpy, tired, forgetful, or even thoughtless. We can focus on our partner’s shortcomings. Or… we can take personal responsibility for our own, and begin working to improve ourselves.

Don’t you want to be in a marriage where you are free to be exactly who you are – knowing you will be accepted, loved, and encouraged, even when you make mistakes?

So does your spouse!!

Let go of unrealistic expectations. Stop nit picking. Stop focusing on the negative. Start encouraging!

TODAY'S DARE: ELIMINATE THE POISON OF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS IN YOUR HOME. THINK OF ONE AREA WHERE YOUR SPOUSE HAS TOLD YOU YOU’RE EXPECTING TOO MUCH, AND TELL THEM YOU’RE SORRY FOR BEING SO HARD ON THEM ABOUT IT. PROMISE THEM YOU’LL SEEK TO UNDERSTAND, AND ASSURE THEM OF YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

So, I came right out and asked the man of the house if I place unrealistic expectations on him. He says he doesn’t feel that I do.

But as I considered the question myself I thought of a few ways I could improve in this area.

It’s a known fact in our house that no one helps with laundry because I am so nit picky about how the towels are folded and put away.


I tend to focus on how things weren’t done exactly the way I would have done them, instead of appreciating that they were done by someone else – saving me some work. This has to leave the man of the house (and the offspring) feeling as if they can't do anything right or meet my expectations. That isn't fair.

When the dishes aren’t put away exactly where I think they should go – I should be glad I had help emptying the dishwasher.

When the counter isn’t completely crumb free – I should be thankful someone helped put the leftovers away.

And if the towels aren't folded or put in exactly the order I would prefer - I should be grateful that someone else folded them and put them away to help me out.

My Love Dare: Day 26

“You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things” ~ Romans 2:1

Day 26: Love is responsible

We are often quick to find fault with others.

But what about when we look in the mirror?

We make excuses. We justify our actions. We blame someone else. Or maybe we feel superior.

Love doesn’t make excuses. It doesn’t pass the blame. It doesn’t justify selfish motives. Love admits how much room there is for improvement. Love keeps working to make that improvement and make a difference.

What would happen in marriages if we stopped blaming the other and admitted their own wrongs?

If each took responsibility for their wrongs and was willing to make corrections?

To stop focusing on what I want and focus on the needs of the other?

This doesn’t mean one spouse is a doormat who takes all the blame all the time. It’s just about owning up to your own shortcomings and doing your best to make things right from your end.

Ask God to show you where you have failed in your responsibility. Admit when you’ve stumbled and ask forgiveness. Correct your offenses and repair the damage.

TODAY’S DARE: TAKE TIME TO PRAY THROUGH YOUR AREAS OF WRONG DOING. ASK FOR GOD’S FORGIVENESS, THEN HUMBLE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO ADMIT THEM TO YOUR SPOUSE. DO IT SINCERELY AND TRUTHFULLY. ASK YOUR SPOUSE FOR FORGIVENESS AS WELL. NO MATTER HOW THEY RESPOND, MAKE SURE YOU COVER YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IN LOVE. EVEN IF THEY RESPOND WITH CRITICISM, ACCEPT IT BY RECEIVING IT AS COUNSEL.

I hate admitting I’m wrong. I’ll do pretty much anything to avoid it. I’ll even twist when I’m wrong to make it seem like even though I was wrong, I wasn’t reeeaaally wrong. Because of that little piece of my personality, this dare was a huge challenge for me. There was a lot of praying going on! It certainly wasn’t easy – or fun.

My Love Dare: Day 25

“What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ.” ~ 2 Corinthians 2:10

Day 25: Love forgives

Unforgiveness is like a prison. But not a prison for those who have hurt us. Not a prison for those who have wronged us. Not a prison for those who have wronged us. The only one held captive by our failure to forgive – is us. We are trapped by the bitterness and anger we hold onto.

Freedom is within our reach. We just have to let go of the hate, the pain, the anger, and offer forgiveness.

We may feel the person doesn’t deserve forgiveness. We may feel they owe us an apology. We may think they need to pay for what they have done. We don’t want to let them off the hook.

Forgiveness isn’t about absolution of blame.

It isn’t about leaving yourself open to more hurt.

It isn’t about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt us.

It’s not about winning or losing.

It is about letting go. Letting go of the anger and the responsibility of judgment and making someone pay – and releasing it to God.

“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.’ Says the Lord.” ~ Romans 12:19

TODAY’S DARE: WHATEVER YOU HAVEN’T FORGIVEN OF YOUR MATE, FORGIVE IT TODAY. LET IT GO. JUST AS WE ASK JESUS TO “FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS” EACH DAY, WE MUST ASK HIM TO HELP US “FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS” EACH DAY AS WELL. UNFORGIVENESS HAS BEEN KEEPING YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE IN PRISON TOO LONG. SAY FROM YOUR HEART, “I CHOOSE TO FORGIVE.”

I thought and thought about today's dare - and honestly could not come up with a single thing! Not one tiny hurt for which I need to forgive the man of the house. 

I did pray for God to examine my heart and show me any areas where I might be harboring some anger or bitterness and to give me a forgiving heart.

My Love Dare: Day 24

“The world is passing away, and also its lusts, but the one who does the will of God lives forever” ~ 1 John 2:17

Day 24: Love vs. lust

We want more.

Despite God’s promises to provide us with all we need – we want for more.

We constantly think we could be happy if we just had _______.
We lust after many earthly things – possessions, sexual fulfillment, power, money.

Lust is in direct opposition to love. Lust is never satisfied. It only leads to longing for more. Something new. Something different. Leading us to constantly see fulfillment in earthly things instead of seeking God.

Lust is “a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill”.

Lusting for power, money, people, or things can destroy marriages, families, and your relationship with God.

To escape the lies of lust – focus on being grateful for all God has given you. You’ll find that your heart is so full of the many blessings God provides – you won’t have room to be hungry for more!

TODAY’S DARE: END IT NOW. IDENTIFY EVERY OBJECT OF LUST IN YOUR LIFE, AND REMOVE IT. SINGLE OUT EVERY LIE YOU’VE SWALLOWED IN PURSUING FORBIDDEN PLEASURE AND REJECT IT. LUST CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE IN A BACK BEDROOM. IT MUST BE KILLED AND DESTROYED – TODAY – AND REPLACED WITH THE SURE PROMISES OF GOD AND A HEART FILLED WITH HIS PERFECT LOVE.

You can read more of my thoughts on lusting after things and seeking fulfillment through things other than the Lord in my post “I Could Be Happy If…”.

I have also been keeping a gratitude journal for several months, and sharing some of it with you here in my series of posts “A Spirit of Gratitude”. It is important to focus on all the blessings you have, all the things God has given you and you will realize you are content. Seek God, and you won’t need to chase all the other things you think will fill that space. He will provide and fulfill you.

My Love Dare: Day 23

It [love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

Day 23 – Love always protects.

At the risk of dating myself… I went through my teen years loving some Pat Benetar. One of my old favorites of hers is a song that says “Love is a battlefield”.

Our marriages shouldn’t be a battlefield – full of anger, fighting, and pain – between husband and wife.

But there are battles we must be willing to fight to protect our marriage and our spouse.

The enemy has many tricks and plans to tear marriages apart. We see their effect on marriages around us every day. We must be alert for dangers and prepared to fight to defend what is ours.

Watch for unhealthy influences. Things that can bring potentially destructive content into our minds and our homes. Things which drain precious time from our families. This may be an addiction such as gambling or drugs. But it can also be hobbies, habits, even work. Anything that takes up most of our thoughts and time, stealing the life from our marriage. It is important to always keep a balance and remember our priorities.

We also have to look at those around us. Do our friends have good attitudes toward commitment, priorities, and marriage? Or do they undermine our marriage with negativity?

Never speak negatively of your spouse in public! We women are particularly guilty of this. Husband bashing seems to be a favorite past time in many female circles. Your job is to protect and defend your husband. To respect and support him. Not to shame or expose weaknesses. His secrets are your secrets. (Unless those secrets are dangerous to them, to you, or to your children!)

We both have roles as protectors:

Husbands are the head of the household. God calls them to protect against things that might bring harm to his wife, his family, and his marriage. This requires a strong mind and heart.

Wives – they can’t do this without our help! We must guard our heart against things that distort our thinking and cause us to place unfair expectations on our husbands. We must do our part to make our husband feel strong, appreciated, and respected.

TODAY’S DARE: REMOVE ANYTHING THAT IS HINDERING YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND ADDICTION OR INFLUENCE THAT’S STEALING YOUR AFFECTIONS AND TURNING YOUR HEART AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE.

Hmmm… influences, addictions, or other things which might be hindering my relationship with my spouse.

This dare had me thinking of so much.

It had me thinking about how even seemingly innocent things can steal time and energy from our family and our marriage.

It made me consider how as a family we have greatly reduced our television times in the evening to spend more time together and getting things done around the house instead of staring mindlessly at the screen.

And it made me think about how careful we have to be to be sure our marriage relationship is one of our top priorities and that we give it the time and attention it deserves instead of taking it for granted and letting other things get in the way of nurturing our spouse and our marriage.

My Love Dare: Day 22

“I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.” ~ Hosea 2:22

Day 22: Love is faithful

As Christians, love is the very root of who we are. We began with love.

“God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” ~ John 3:16

When asked about the greatest commandment, Jesus spoke of love, saying: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” and “Love your neighbor as yourself."

Love is supposed to be the thing that sets us apart from others. The thing that helps others recognize us as followers of Christ. What we are to seek. To strive for. And to share.  We are even called to love our enemies.

So, what do we do when we don’t feel love in return? When we feel neglected or rejected?

God loves us even when we turn our back on Him.

When we refuse to speak to Him. When we reject His commandments and ways. Still He loves us!

Yes, He may chastise or discipline us as we live in doubt and sin. When we don’t trust Him. But He waits patiently, always loving us until the moment we confess our wrongs and turn back to Him. He is there to welcome us with open, loving arms. Forgiving and loving us in His great mercy.

To love like Christ, we must love even when our affections don’t seem to be returned. When the love isn’t being “earned”. When we don’t feel as though our love and the things we do to show it are being appreciated.  Still we choose love.

TODAY’S DARE: LOVE IS A CHOICE, NOT A FEELING. IT IS AN INITIATED ACTION, NOT A KNEE-JERK REACTION. CHOOSE TODAY TO BE COMMITTED TO LOVE EVEN IF YOUR SPOUSE HAS LOST MOST OF THEIR INTEREST IN RECEIVING IT. SAY TO THEM TODAY IN WORDS SIMILAR TO THESE, “I LOVE YOU. PERIOD. I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU DON’T LOVE ME IN RETURN.”

I consider myself tremendously blessed that the Man of the House makes loving easy. He makes me feel loved. He returns my affections.

There are times in life when we just don’t feel very loving. Maybe it’s a bad mood, maybe it’s “that time of the month”, maybe we just aren’t feeling appreciated and wonder if it’s worth it. During those times, I want to make the decision to chose love. And to show it.

“I have chosen the faithful way.” ~ Psalm 119:30

My Love Dare: Day 21

“The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.” ~ Isaiah 58:11

Day 21: Love is satisfied in God

God alone can satisfy all your needs. He is always on time. He always keeps his promises. He is always dependable.

You spouse is human. They will never be able to meet all of your expectations. They will never be able to assure you will be content no matter what happens. They will never be able to fill the God shaped hole in your heart. They are going to let you down at times. They will sometimes disappoint you. They will fall short of expectations.

This doesn’t mean that your spouse isn’t “the one” or that they are not a good spouse. It’s just that people are… well… human.

It’s time to stop expecting your spouse to give you all the things only God is capable of doing!!

Learn to trust God and depend on Him! God’s truth is the one constant, always dependable thing in life.

Seek Him. Love Him. Make your relationship with Him your top priority. He will supply you with all you need.

TODAY’S DARE: BE INTENTIONAL TODAY ABOUT MAKING A TIME TO PRAY AND READ YOUR BIBLE. TRY READING A CHAPTER OUT OF PROVERBS EACH DAY (THERE ARE THIRTY-ONE, A FULL MONTHS SUPPLY), OR READING A CHAPTER IN THE GOSPELS (MATTHEW, MARK, LUKE, AND JOHN), AS YOU DO, IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE LOVE AND PROMISES GOD HAS FOR YOU. THIS WILL ADD TO YOUR GROWTH AS YOU WALK WITH HIM.

I make an effort each morning to spend time in God’s Word, and in prayer. I really do feel it makes a difference in how my day runs to take this time with just myself and the Lord. It has been a while since I have read through Proverbs in a month. Maybe March is a good time to revisit that book.

”You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.” ~ Psalm 145:16

My Love Dare: Day 20

“While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” ~ Romans 5:6

Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ

We are all imperfect people.

We all sin.

We all make mistakes

We all fail sometimes.

We all have flaws.

Despite all of our short comings and disobedience – God still love us!

Jesus proved God’s love for us on the cross.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." ~ Romans 5:8

We don’t have to work for God’s love. We don’t have to earn it. We can’t. It’s a gift freely given to us. All we have to do is accept it.

Once we begin to understand the love God has for us; we can begin to share that love.

To love our spouse even when they may not act lovable. To see past the flaws and imperfections and still love. To give them the grace and blessings of that love. To share with them the True Love we have found in Christ.

TODAY’S DARE: DARE TO TAKE GOD AT HIS WORD. DARE TO TRUST JESUS CHRIST FOR SALVATION. DARE TO PRAY, “LORD JESUS, I’M A SINNER. BUT YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR LOVE COR ME BY DYING TO FORGIVE MY SINS, AND YOU HAVE PROVEN YOUR POWER TO SAVE ME FROM DEATH BY YOUR RESURRECTION. LORD, CHANGE MY HEART, AND SAVE ME BY YOUR GRACE.”

I opened my heart to God’s grace and love some time ago. But I still sometimes need to remind myself of exactly how much God loves me. And how that love was shown through Christ. And to ask him to continue to change my heart and lead me in His will.

“In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them.” ~ Isaiah 63:9

My Love Dare: Day 19

“Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” ~ 1 John 4:7

Day 19: Love is impossible.

Uh oh. Not a very encouraging title for today’s dare. Is it?

Almost half way in and now the writer’s of the Love Dare share that you can’t manufacture unconditional love (Agape love) from inside yourself alone. Sure – you may show kindness, unselfishness. You may be thoughtful and considerate. But truly unselfish, unconditional love is something entirely different.
Say what???

Well… here’s the bad news: Unconditional love that is able to face any obstacle and stand strong is out of your reach if you are only looking within yourself to find it.

But… here’s the good news: God can give you that type of love! He is the very source of that love. Only God can love in a completely unselfish, unconditional way. And while we may always fall short of this type of love – He can (and will!) work through you to express that love to others.

If you don’t know God and His love for us – you can’t truly love. You can’t give away something you don’t have.

When we surrender to Christ and accept Him into our hearts – the full power of His love is available to us. If you put the power of that Love to work in your life and your marriage – there is no telling what can happen!

TODAY’S DARE: LOOK BACK OVER THE DARES FROM PREVIOUS DAYS. WERE THERE SOME THAT SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE TO YOU? HAVE YOU REALIZED YOUR NEED FOR GOD TO CHANGE YOUR HEART AND TO GIVE YOU THE ABILITY TO LOVE? ASK HIM TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU STAND WITH HIM, AND ASK FOR THE STRENGTH AND GRACE TO SETTLE YOUR ETERNAL DESTINATION.

Throughout all the dares, God has shown me so much about myself.  Areas where I need to change.  Improve.  And gently reminded me all along that these changes are possible only with Him at my side. 

“This is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26