The 14 Day Marriage Challenge: Day Nine

Welcome to Day 9 of  the 14 Day Marriage Challenge!

Today's Challenge: Be Positive!

For the entire day - don't criticize or correct your husband!

If you're as bad about doing this as I am, your tongue might be very sore by the end of the day because of all the times you have to bite it. Ha!

Be sure to check back and let us know how you did with the challenge!

Be The Example

I've noticed a disturbing thing recently.

The belittling and bashing of males in our society.  As "girl power" began to grow - it seems as if there is a natural backlash to tear down men.  There seems to be a mindset of many women out there that in order to build up females - we have to bash the opposite gender.  It makes me sad - and yes: even a little angry!

I see females who would be up in a fit of social outrage if someone said "girls are gross" or "girls are stupid",  and yet they will laugh over t-shirts and the such bearing the same phrases substituting "boys" instead of girls!  And it makes my heart sad to think that my son is hearing this sort of thing as he grows into manhood.

I hear women mocking and belittling their husbands as a form of bonding with each other in social situations.

I see women treat their husbands' and boyfriends' hobbies as if they were complete wastes of time, as if the men were stupid for finding something like football or golf or fishing interesting.

Man after man on television is portrayed as the bumbling idiot being guided through life/marriage/parenthood by his patient and wise wife.

Enough!!

Scripture tells us that "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27 NIV) 

Different - but equal!  Both in God's image.  The same in the eyes of God. 

Maybe if women truly want to be treated as equals, we need to be sure we are practicing that ourselves. Let us set the example of how we treat others and want to be treated in return.

Women and men may be different.  But we each have out unique roles.  We bring different, but equally important parts to the picture.  We are both worthy of respect, honor, and encouragement.  Not berating, belittling, and mocking.

Boxers or Briefs?

As I was folding laundry, or doing some other real housewife-ish chore last week I had the television on in the background. Tuned to some afternoon television talk show type program. For the life of me I can’t remember the fine details – such as what program it was or who the guest was. I want to say it was Katie Couric, but it was equally likely to be Ellen, or maybe Rachel Ray. Whoever’s name was the title of this show, she was interviewing one of today’s hunky male stars. I can’t recall who he was either. (The actual persons don’t really matter for this story)
At some point in the interview, I heard the unknown hostess ask her guest with a laugh something along the lines of: ‘So, the question everyone in the audience wants to know – boxers or briefs?”

I stopped in my tracks. My mind began swirling, filling with some of those random thoughts I so often have.

What is it that makes it acceptable to casually ask a man about his undergarments? The poor fellow under the spotlight always laughs, turns a little pink, and has to come up with some clever comeback. The whole situation is just embarrassing and immature.

Imagine if you turned on the TV to hear Matt Lauer, Brian Williams, or Anderson Cooper ask some female celebrity: “So, what everyone really wants to know is: thong, bikini, or granny panties?” People would be shocked! There would be an outcry from self-respecting women everywhere.

Why?

Because it’s so personal! Because that is objectifying her! She should be treated as a person, with talent, a brain, and value – not a sexual object.

And yet it’s OK to treat a man that way??

I think we all deserve to be treated with respect and discretion. If we want to be treated with dignity and respect, the answer doesn’t lay in acting out in the same negative ways we condemn others for acting. It’s not a matter of “well, they do it!” I believe the answer comes in treating others exactly the way we expect to be treated in return. If everyone followed this simple rule, we would all be treating each other with kindness, respect, and compassion.

My Love Dare: Progress Report

I’m about one quarter through The Love Dare. Today is day 10.
I have to admit. I was wondering if it was making any difference yet. Had The Man of the House even noticed any of the things I had done as my daily dares?

Yes, I know… it shouldn’t matter. That’s not the point. It’s not about getting attention or accolades. But I couldn’t help but think these thoughts anyway.

Last night I got my answer.

He told me that he felt as if I had been “happier” over the last week or so. That he felt as if I was thinking of him and considering his feelings and needs. And that he appreciated it.

Yah! He can see the changes in me and how I treat him. He feels appreciated!

And that IS the point. For him to feel appreciated, cherished and loved.

Take Out

I'm not an easy person to live with.

Not all the time.  (I hope)   Sometimes I am perfectly delightful.  (at least I think so)  But!  When I get stressed.  When I am upset about something.  When I am over tired.  When I am hormonal. When I feel sick.  Or just feel out of sorts. Well, that's a different story. 

Just ask The Man of the House.  He takes the weight of my moods most of the time.  Even though most of the time he is not the cause of the grumpy state I am in at the moment.

I get snippy.  I pout.  I snap out at him over any little thing.  I give him the cold shoulder.

Yes, I know what you are thinking... what a lucky, lucky guy! (Not!)

Why do I do that?  If anyone else treated him that way it would make me very angry.  What makes me feel that it's OK to treat him as if he is the cause of whatever is bothering me?  

I'm not proud of this.  I want to change.

He deserves my love and respect.  Honor and encouragement.  Not to be punished for my bad temper toward someone else, or because I didn't get enough rest or the whims of my monthly cycle.  He's not my personal emotional punching bag.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says of love: "It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful" (ESV)

That is going to be my focus verse as I start trying to break this pattern.

This week I am going to start trying to be aware when I am feeling one of the ways that causes me to act this way toward him.  And to recognize the behaviour when I start doing it and to stop it right then.  To pray about it.

(And honey - if you are reading this: you have my full permission to gently remind me if I do start behaving this way!)