My Love Dare: Day 6

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city. ~ Proverbs 16:32

DAY 6: Love is not irritable

“Love is hard to offend, and quick to forgive.”

How easily do you get irritated and offended?

How easily do you get irritated or offended by your spouse?

If you are like me the answer may be “depends on the day”.  Some days I am quickly hurt or frustrated. Minor events bring on major reactions.  Not exactly a loving response. 
A loving spouse exercises emotional control. They are a joy to live with, not a jerk.

According to The Love Dare, we often become irritable for two main reasons:

1)Stress: we’re all familiar with it. It drains and weakens us. It’s an open door for irritability. Stress can be caused by relational causes such as arguing and bitterness. It can be caused by excesses such as overworking, overspending, or overplaying. It can also be caused by deficiencies such as not enough exercise, nutrition, or rest.

The answer to this is to slow down! Pray through your anxieties instead of taking them out on your spouse. Observe the Sabbath each week to worship and rest. Recharge, refocus, and give a margin to your busy weekly schedule.

2) Selfishness: Insecurity or selfishness can send us spiraling down a road of irritability!

The calming cure for irritability? Love. Love causes us to be grateful. To forgive. To be happy. To prioritize family. Love lowers stress. It brings a response of patience rather than anger or exasperation.

TODAY’S DARE: CHOOSE TODAY TO REACT TO TOUCH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION. BEGIN BY MAKING A LIST OF AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO ADD MARGIN TO YOUR SCHEDULE. THEN LIST ANY WRONG MOTIVATIONS THAT YOU NEED TO RELEASE FROM YOUR LIFE.

I made the choice to react in loving ways instead of irritation.  I also realized that it is a work in progress.  I will have to make that choice over and over again.  I may slip up sometimes.  No, I probably will slip up sometimes.  When I do - I have to acknowledge it, apologize for it, and take steps to do better the next time.

Margins:

• Prioritize time for date night
• Allow for relaxing Sunday afternoons with family instead of staying busy with chores/duties.
• Make time for myself each week (exercise, bubble bath, mani/pedi, etc)

Motivations to Release:

• Admiration and attention of others
• Selfishness
• Envy

Take Out

I'm not an easy person to live with.

Not all the time.  (I hope)   Sometimes I am perfectly delightful.  (at least I think so)  But!  When I get stressed.  When I am upset about something.  When I am over tired.  When I am hormonal. When I feel sick.  Or just feel out of sorts. Well, that's a different story. 

Just ask The Man of the House.  He takes the weight of my moods most of the time.  Even though most of the time he is not the cause of the grumpy state I am in at the moment.

I get snippy.  I pout.  I snap out at him over any little thing.  I give him the cold shoulder.

Yes, I know what you are thinking... what a lucky, lucky guy! (Not!)

Why do I do that?  If anyone else treated him that way it would make me very angry.  What makes me feel that it's OK to treat him as if he is the cause of whatever is bothering me?  

I'm not proud of this.  I want to change.

He deserves my love and respect.  Honor and encouragement.  Not to be punished for my bad temper toward someone else, or because I didn't get enough rest or the whims of my monthly cycle.  He's not my personal emotional punching bag.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says of love: "It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful" (ESV)

That is going to be my focus verse as I start trying to break this pattern.

This week I am going to start trying to be aware when I am feeling one of the ways that causes me to act this way toward him.  And to recognize the behaviour when I start doing it and to stop it right then.  To pray about it.

(And honey - if you are reading this: you have my full permission to gently remind me if I do start behaving this way!)

 

Seven Days Without Coffee: Gets Ugly

I am a little on edge.  A tad testy.  Easily annoyed.  A tiny bit moody.  A wee temperamental.  I am also reaching an all time excellence in understatements.

Day five.  I think I am bordering on evil.  As in a "wicked witch of the west" level.  Anything might set my blood boiling.  Someone mentioning the chocolate bundt cake I promised to bake for dessert and had not yet started.  The dirty dishes in the sink.  The dog loudly licking of his personal areas.  Like I said... anything.

I fear there may be a few chips in the dishes from where I was banging them around earlier because... well, because... well, I'm sure I had a good reason at the time! Or maybe not. Maybe it was just my caffeine deprived demon taking over.  

I fully realize some of this internal emotional stewing could be hormonal.  There's another lesson learned. 

Lesson Three: Carefully consider the timing of your seven days without coffee.  Make sure they do not at some point overlap with your PMS days.  The two can create a very unstable combination.

I can almost feel the man of the house thinking about sitting on me and pouring coffee down my throat.  And to be perfectly honest with you - I probably wouldn't protest a whole lot.

Two more days... Two more days... two more days...

Read more of "Seven Days Without Coffee" Here:

The Challenge

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

Day Four

Day Five

Day Six

Day Seven

The Wrap-up



Three Little Letters

You know the ones.  Those three little letters that rule the world.  Or at least the moods of many, many women throughout the world.   And by ruling the moods of all those women - in the ever present trickle down affect they also rule the lives of many men around the world as well.  Or anyone else that comes into the circle of those three little letters.

Yep - I'm talking PMS here people.  And believe me when I tell you that it has been one of "those" days...

Today I have been Irritable.  Annoyed.  Frustrated.  Grumpy.  Broody.  Peevish.  Over sensitive.  Surly.  Exasperated.  Testy.  Down-right cantankerous!  And reading back over this I now realize I have made myself sound like a grumpy old man!  HA!!

I was in a "not right for work" frame of mind.  As every little thing caused me to fight the urge to rip into someone.  And I think I get extra points for biting my tongue and avoiding conflict by hiding in the chart room for a portion of the day. I mean... um... by working on filing in the chart room.  Yeh... that's right.

And heaven help the person that tries to get between me, some chocolate, and a glass of wine later this evening!