Thanks to Candace Cameron Bure (you remember... DJ Tanner from Full House?) and her new book
"Balancing It All"
there has been a lot of buzz recently about the concept of the
"submissive wife". And I mean a LOT. I haven't read the book, but it
seems as if every week - maybe every day - there is some new blog post
coming out either in support of or offended by the idea of women
following the idea of Biblical submission.
Let me tell you in all honesty - as a
Christian woman, the concept of being a submissive wife as instructed by
the Bible is something I have struggled with. A part of me would
instinctively rear up and go on the defensive at the word submission. It
was a constant spiritual rebellion.
But why?
I
have come to believe that the problem might be that the word submission
is somehow equated with the word oppression. But they are not the same
thing.
To submit is a choice. It is accepting the
will or authority of another. To be oppressed is to be controlled by
another - usually by cruel or harsh treatment.
Can
someone be forced into submission through oppression? Sure. But that
isn't Biblical submission. That isn't what the Word means when it tells
wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:22. We can know this
because only three verses later, Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love
their wives. Not dominate their wives. Not control them. LOVE them!
When
you feel loved, cherished, honored, respected, and valued - when you
trust someone - it makes the idea of submission easier. You know it is
safe to let down your guards, to relax, and to release some of that
control over to someone else.
There is a lot of misunderstanding about what Biblical submission is and is not. For example:
* Biblical submission does NOT mean being a doormat. It doesn't give permission for being bullied, belittled, or abused.
* It doesn't mean the wife doesn't have her own ideas, views and opinions; or that she isn't allowed to voice them.
*
It doesn't mean the only words coming out of her mouth are "yes,
dear". It's not having to keep your mouth shut or turn a blind eye if
something is clearly heading in the wrong direction or morally wrong.
* It doesn't mean her ideas and opinions aren't given equal weight and consideration when decisions are being made.
*
It doesn't mean she doesn't contribute just as much to the relationship
and the family as her husband. Whether she stays home to focus on
raising the children, or works outside the home. She is a valued and
respected partner in the relationship.
* It certainly
doesn't mean the wife should be a slave to the husband. She isn't
expected to wait on him hand and foot. She chooses to serve him in
love. And he does the same for her!
* It doesn't mean she is less important or valued in the relationship in any way.
* It means that in her home, she trusts her husband to
love her, to value her as a partner and an equal, to have the best interest
of their family as his goal, and to guide the family where they need to
go. And because of that trust and security, she feels comfortable handing the role of leadership over to him.
Every
member of a team is important and have a position to play if the team
is going to win, but they aren't all the team captain - or the coach.
Every worker in a company is important to making that company run
smoothly and be successful; but they aren't all the CEO. Every person in
this country is valuable - but we aren't all president. When we ride
on a bus, boat, or plane - we aren't any less important as people than
the driver, captain, or pilot - but we chose to let them take the wheel
in order to get all of us where we want to go.
Such as
it is for the wife choosing Biblical submission. She has submitted to
her husband taking on the role of team captain, the CEO, the pilot - the
leader of their family.
Does believing all this mean I
have given myself over completely to the concept of Biblical
submission? Of course!! Uh... well... the truth is, I still struggle
with it. I want to get my own way
some most
pretty much all of the time. I still feel that same old cringe and
that urge to cry out "you're not the boss of me!" still bubbles up deep
inside many times at the word "submission".
But I am
learning, and have a better understanding of what it means. Which gives
me a new, more positive perspective on being a submissive wife. And I
keep praying to just be the wife The Man of the House deserves.
