Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Dear Cat...

Dear Cat;

There seems to be a misunderstanding going on here.  While I realize that due to all the money paid out to vets bills in our attempts to help you recover from your recent poisoning incident, you are are now the most expensive item in this house; that does not give you free range to do as you please and ignore all the rules previously in place.

You still do not belong on my dining table, or the kitchen counters. As I am the one scooping out your litter box, I know exactly where your feet have been and what they have been stepping on.  I have no desire to have them tiptoeing around on the surfaces where I place my food.  Stay off!

You are not now entitled to more food.  Please stop following me around the house meowing at me to fill your bowl.  I am the one who is feeding you.  I know you have already had breakfast.  And dinner is hours away.  No matter what you say or how many times you say it, I am not giving more. Get over it. 

When I get up from my chair to fix a cup of tea, that is not an open invitation to jump up and take possession of that seat.  I'm coming back.  I also do not appreciate that look you give me when I try to displace you from my spot. 

Those spots on the stairs and the back on my couch you keep scratching at?  I am not pleased, as you may have guessed by the constant yelling you hear and the sprays of water which keep hitting you.  You have more than a sufficient amount of cat toys and scratchers for that sort of activity.  Leave my stuff alone! 

I do understand that you are frustrated at no longer being allowed outside to stalk birds and small rodents.  Or nibble grass.  And whatever else you used to do out there.  But since we have no way of knowing where you wander off to, or what you got into that led to the overnight at the emergency animal hospital and 2 days at your veterinarian's office - we can no longer allow you to free range the neighborhood to your heart's desire. 

We forked over some big bucks to drag you back from your spot in line at the pearly gates of kitty heaven.  How about showing a little appreciation?  I really don't think it's too much to ask.  Thank you.

Sincerely, Your Owner Housemate


  1. Dear Human Servant,
    I'll read and contemplate your missive if you give me more scritches. Now.
    The Cat

    1. HA! The "dear human servant" certainly does sound like the cat. But he only wants sritches very rarely and only on his very specific terms.

  2. I love this. We have an enormous cat and he does all of these same things! Too cute.

    1. Another favorite activity is running right between my legs while walking, or running right in front of me and suddenly stopping. *insert eye roll here*


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