Very few things have literally brought me to my knees. This was one of them.
The realization of all the things I have used in my life to fill the gap where God belonged. All the "false idols" I have put my hope and my trust in.
How many things did I think I needed to make me happy? How many people have I turned to for approval, attention, and love? When those things didn't make me feel the way I expected - I would wallow in disappointment, loneliness, and anger. And went looking for the next great thing.
The makeup or clothes that would make me feel pretty. The item I needed to finally have "enough". The thing I tried to do or say that would make all the people like me. Of course none of this could fulfill me! It wasn't their fault I was disappointed! I was the one expecting things or humans to complete a task only able to be done by God.
Seeing that clearly for the first time left me feeling raw. And left me no where to go except to my knees in prayer. To ask for forgiveness and guidance.